A Day on the Road

Author: Everly Dawn

Rating: G

Category: Gen, Humor, PWP

Description: The boys stop in at a travel lodge for the night.

Warnings: Silly-ness, GunCon References up the Wahzoo

Disclaimer: The Lone Gunmen are not mine, I'm not making any money, it's for enjoyment.  Yadda Yadda.

Notes:  This was all started because of an 80 yr old volunteer and some crazy gun fen minds in mIRC.



The attendants at the motor lodge watched as a dilapidated teal and white VW microbus ambled into the parking lot.  Two men got out immediately...an unlikely pair, one dressed totally in black leather and the other in a suit that looked like it'd seen its better days sometime during the Regan years.

The shorter of the two turned to open the side door.

"Langly...wake up man we're here."

'No, no, not the crop...uhhh...anything but the crop..."

'What the hell are you mumbling about...wake up hippie boy!"  Frohike said before cuffing Langly in the head.

'Huh? Oh, god...what was I sayin'?"

'I'm not repeating it...bad enough I had to hear it the first time!  God, I SO don't wanna know."

Byers climbed out of the drivers' seat and straightened his jacket.  'This doesn't look like too bad a place.  Why don't you let me go inside and make the arrangements while you get our things together?"

'Sure" They both chorused and turned to climb into the back of the van where their luggage was stashed.

Inside the office Byers spoke with the desk attendant to secure a room.  'Your sign says you have vacancies...any doubles?"

'I think so but let me check.  You guys from outta town?"  The woman behind the counter asked while checking the computer for a room.

'Uh, yeah.  We just got in...sort of on our way somewhere else."

'Business or pleasure?'

Byers quirked a brow, unsure of why the attendant would ask something like that.

'You're right...I'm talking too much.' she said.  'I'm just making small talk.  It gets boring early in the morning sometimes, that's all."

He smiled understandingly.  'No harm done."

'Alright,' she slid the keycard across the counter.  'You boys are in room fifty-three.  It's right up the middle stairway and directly to the left."

'Thanks.'  He smiled again and headed toward the door.

'Oh, hey.  Just to let you know.  Be careful, there's a big group of women having some kind of get together here this weekend.  They haven't caused any major problems, they're just a little weird...toting computers around with them everywhere and giggling a lot...mumbling about something called fan fiction and slash....stuff like that."

'Thank you, I'll be sure to warn my friends and stay clear."  He smirked and turned to leave shaking his head at the strange people that often worked the night shift in places like these.

'Have a good night!" She called after him.

Byers approached the open van door cautiously due to the loudness of the bickering.

'Fuck you little man!' Langly screamed.

'Never.  Not even in those twisted little dreams of yours hair-boy."

'Guys, it's room fifty-three.  Up the stairs and to the left." 

'Alright we'll be right up."  Langly said.  'Your bag's right there on the bench seat."

Byers picked up the bag and shook his head yet again.  If those two ever stopped chewing each other out he'd probably have a heart attack and die right there. 

At the top of the stairs he turned left and almost ran into a pair of women laughing furiously and taking a picture of the door he and his friends were supposed to be staying in.  The girls turned to see him and moved to lean against the railing a ways down the walkway. 

He watched in strange fascination as the amazingly tall women tried to look casual and somehow he overhead hushed secretive murmurs about cheesecake of all things.  Finally tearing his gaze away he saw the big 53 on a plastic plate right under the other plastic sign that had the universal 'no smoking' symbol engraved into it.  Sticking the keycard into the slot he waited for the green light to signal him admittance.

It wasn't the Hilton he thought, but it was much better than they'd stayed in for a long while.  He dropped his bag on the floor next to one of the two beds.  He was tired but not ready to sleep just yet.  While waiting for Frohike and Langly to arrive he picked up the television directory which was laying on the tabletop between the beds.

He paged through it absently, not really reading the pages just looking at the preview pictures.  A knock on the door drew his attention away.  He got up still holding the booklet and opened the door for his other two counterparts.

'Hey Byers, not bad...I think we've got a winner here.  We'll have to remember this place the next time we come through."

Langly threw his bag across the room and simultaneously grabbed the booklet from Byers hand as he flopped onto the bed.  'Let's see what we've got.  Hey! Cool they've got the Sci-Fi channel!  Mystery Science Theater is on in about a half hour.  How's that?"

'Whatever you want Langly, I'm not really in the mood for television right now anyway."

'I don't care either, just as long as it's not that Junior Rodeo one..."  Frohike replied.

Byers crossed the room toward the bath and began getting ready for bed.

'Oh man...that's sick!  Here's one for you Fro!  Listen to this guys."  Langly began reading aloud from the pay per view listings.  ''Studly Hardwood, Dean Hunglow and Tom Bigwood in "The Lone Bunmen!"'

'Gooed ward, Wangly, I'em nopt waptching pthat!"  Byers said around his toothbrush.

'Well, no I was just reading it.  It's sorta funny, in a sickly bizarre way."

'Right up your alley' Frohike snorted.

Byers finished in the bathroom and came to sit heavily on the bed, shoulders slumped.

'You look tense Byers."  Frohike said with a hint of concern.

'What's up, you haven't looked this tense since the time Langly and I demanded you explain your relationship with Carl in college'

Byers snorted at that.  'Just tired and stiff from driving I guess."

'Here let me help."  He said as he started massaging Byers' shoulders through the white cotton T-Shirt.

Both Frohike and Byers were in their own little world until they heard the 'bow-chicka-bow-wow' of bad porno music playing from the television.

'God Langly, turn that fucking thing off!  I'm not watching that."

Langly slumped and moped like a snarky teenager.  'Alright fine...you pick what we watch."

'Actually I just wanted to go to bed. And Byers here,' He patted his friend on the shoulder, 'Looks like he's about to drop."

'Whatever' He waited a few minutes before mumbling, 'We could tell ghost stories."

Both of them adamantly replied 'NO!"

Langly sighed.  'I don't like you no more, he said, now well and truly bored.

The three of them continued to ready themselves for bed, only interrupted a few times by obnoxious feminine laughing just outside their door.

Too afraid of what they might see to actually look outside their door, they turned the lights off and tried to ignore the deranged giggling.

As Byers closed his eyes and tried to sleep he could have sworn he heard a voice saying..."I was surprised he hadn't been sodomized yet." 

What strange...strange people he thought.


In the morning they took their bags to the van, parked outside the mid-sized suite on the bottom level.  Byers passed the door that was cracked open just a little with trepidation.  Voices of quite a few women sounded within the room.  'It's FALLING PANTS MAN!"  One of them yelled in a bravado super hero voice and the rest dissolved into a fit of laughing.

Byers arched an eyebrow and followed his instinct to get as far away from the premises as soon as possible.  Turning to the other two he asked.  'We have everything?  Frohike, did you check us out?"

'Yeah, we're good to go.  You driving today or am I?"

'I think I'll let you drive if thatís ok.  I'm still a little stiff from yesterday."

'Fine by me.  Now let's figure a way outta here."

They all climbed into the good ole van and began to drive off until...

'Byers, was that blockade there last night?"

Byers looked up at the exit to the parking lot only to see there was a gate across it that hadn't been there the night before.  'No, I don't remember it.  There's got to be another way out.  Try driving around the other side of the building."

Frohike steered the vehicle around the back side of the building and through the carport area looking for another way out before they ended right back where they had started.

'That's weird." Langly lamely stated from the back seat.

They drove around the parking lot and the building two more times before they finally parked again in dismay. 

'There's got to be another way out.  I'll go ask the office."  Frohike said and got out of the drivers side to walk to the short distance.

Upon reaching the office he tugged on the door.  It was locked.  A Large sign on the door read 'Closed.  Be back in an hour'  'God damn.'  He mumbled.  'They were just here a few minutes ago!"  He peered into the office through the glass.  With no one in sight he returned to the van.

'Well, it looks as if we're on our own."  He put it in gear again and drove around the parking lot one more time, still not getting any closer to finding a way out than they had the first three times.

'Here Fro, I'll get out and walk around.  Maybe I'll find it on foot.  Stay here."

Langly quickly jumped out and trotted around the building, looking for an exit.  During his exploration he saw many sights including a small dark haired woman talking sweetly to a squirrel.  He thought if she had said "C'mere little buddy" so sweetly to him he'd have had a hard time not obeying the beckoning.  Soon he returned to the van where the other two were waiting for him.  'I found it guys...you're never gonna believe this!"

He showed them the exit, which lo and behold had been there the whole time, obscured by a very large dumpster.  Conspiracy?  Who's to say?

As they drove away Langly commented.  'You know I was just thinking.  I could really go for a cup of Earl Gray." 

Byers and Frohike just looked at each other in wonder.